


it makes me feel so broken (wondering why the hell you had to disappear)

by galaxiesfaraway



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adam & Lance (Voltron) are Siblings, Adam (Voltron) Lives, Adamn & Lance (Voltron) are Brothers, Allura & Coran aren't relevant, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Cuban Lance (Voltron), Family, Gay Adam (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Happy Ending, Hunk & Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt Friendship, Lance & Shiro (Voltron) Friendship, Lance (Voltron) is a Good Friend, Lance is a good brother, Liberal use of Italics, M/M, Mentions of Self-Sacrificial Behaviour, Multi, Self-Sacrificial Lance, Shiro & Lance are friends i will not stand for anything else, War has it's effects, a little swearing, adam just misses his brother, because yay! happy endings!, but again, but so does allura, go check it out, i hate that i distanced hunk and lance but i swear it will be okay, i should stop but ehh, im sorry, it's just mentioned, it's not mentioned, it's probably worse than it sounds lmao, it's the good gay year of 2021, mentions of KLANCE wedding!, mostly - Freeform, my bad - Freeform, no more sad endings, not discussed that much, not really - Freeform, pidge has a girlfriend change my mind, the title is from a leroy sanchez song, use of fuck, words unspoken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:01:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29123106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxiesfaraway/pseuds/galaxiesfaraway
Summary: In which Adam lives, and some things change during and after the war.
Relationships: Adam & Keith (Voltron), Adam & Lance (Voltron), Adam & Lance's Family (Voltron), Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Hunk & Lance (Voltron), Hunk & Pidge | Katie Holt, Keith/Lance (Voltron), Lance & Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 52





	it makes me feel so broken (wondering why the hell you had to disappear)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Words Unspoken by Leroy Sanchez!
> 
> Here is the link! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=In7gZS_LrEg
> 
> I greatly suggest listening to this while you read it!
> 
> I hope you enjoy <3

Adam Velasquez missed Takashi Shirogane a lot.

Like, a lot.

He was very well aware that he was the one who ended the relationship, but damn, the death of his ex-fiancé, the man he would forever love, was fucking horrible and spending the next few years thinking he was dead was somehow even worse.

The years would be hard enough, but then his goddamned brother and his brother’s teammates (a Hunk Garrett and a Matt Holt cosplay) just disappeared (he didn’t die, he didn’t die, he didn’t die) and the Garrison were being little shits about it, not telling him what really happened.

Lance _always_ stopped at his class before first period. He didn’t that day, and Adam knew something had happened the night before. And Lance may be reckless, yes, but he wasn’t _that_ reckless, and even if there was an accident, Adam was over a 100% sure that Lance would have survived purely out of perseverance and spite.

So Adam was left alone at the Garrison, with absolutely no understanding of what the fuck had happened.

Then the videos came.

_The fucking videos._

When Takashi would ask about them, years later, Adam would lie and say that he totally did _not_ bawl his eyes out.

God, hearing Lance’s voice was a _blessing_. It’s true, how you never notice you love something until it’s gone.

Adam was miserable, knowing that his brother (and his ex-fiancé, and the annoying brat) was up in space and he couldn’t protect him.

As Abuela would say, “that shit hurted.”

(Lance always loved her old memes. And her old music. Ariana Grande truly slapped.

“I’d love to see me from your point of view,” he hummed.

Shiro’s eyes lit up in recognition.)

The knowledge that they were alive should have brought him out of the seemingly eternal periods of time where he felt so fucking tired. Instead he felt worse. He couldn’t see his brother, see the man he still loved. Couldn’t tell them that he loves them. That he’s _so fucking proud._

He spent hours just wondering what they were doing, wondering if they were safe, wondering if they thought about him like he thought about them.

When he asked Veronica what she thought, she gave him a knowing smile that held secrets that Adam would probably never know.

“I think you know that they do.”

“I’m not so sure I want them to.”

The problem with them missing him like he missed them was that it meant that it was _painful_. The screams, the tears, the nights he was awake well past 2am, just thinking about the mistakes he made. It was too painful. Adam didn’t want them to go through that. He could never. He loved them too much.

Sometimes, he wonders if Takashi and Lance found solace in each other.

Would Takashi protect his ex’s younger brother? Yes. Would Lance trust the man his brother loved for the majority of his life? Yes, but with hesitation, because Lance saw the aftermath of the end of their relationship. He watched as Adamn broke down as he gave his empty (now that he thinks about it) ultimatum.

But would they be more than just teammates? Would they be friends?

Adam didn’t know. That bothered him. He was always the one (in either relationship) who knew everything.

(“I hated you for the longest time,” spoke up Lance.

“I’m sorry?”

“You hurt him, you know?” Lance said, lying upside-down on the couch, “he broke down a lot after you were labeled KIA.”

“I…”

“I try not to think about him. Them. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it.”

“It would be hypocritical to say that I don’t do the same.”

“I miss him, Shiro. I miss Adam a lot.”

“Out of every decision I’ve made… leaving him is the one I regret the most.”

“He’s still yours. He’ll always be yours.”

“It’s a bit more complicated than that.”

“Fair enough. But… Shiro,” he paused, “know that he loves you.”)

Although admittedly less frequently, Adam thought about Keith. The emo brat who stuck to Takashi like glue and trusted him with his life. 

Adam understood why Lance didn’t like Keith, no matter how it sounds. It was easy to feel bitter at his raw talent in flying when Lance worked so hard to improve and become better. Lance, the one who can fluently communicate in four languages. The one who would beat himself down no matter how well he does. The one who could bring others up even though he can’t see how amazing he is himself.

Eventually, Adam had to admit, he grew to love Keith like another brother, maybe even like a son, but that was before Takashi left. Before Keith did too.

Adam dove headfirst into his biological family after that.

Lance, Veronica, Rachel, and Adam became so close after Keith left. The movie nights, the pillow fights. It was like they were kids again.

(Adam frequently wondered what war would do to his little brother.)

(Lance frequently wondered what war did to him as well. Smiles became faker, risks became too easy to take. One life out of trillions. His life over anyone else’s. When he threw himself in front of Allura, there was no easier choice.)

Adam hated thinking about that. Lance was the child. The youngest, the bravest, the kindest. He took no shortcuts and tried his best, but still suffered, still had so many of his own expectations to exceed.

But Lance was also the one in the middle of a war. A child soldier, fighting for his life. What a horrifying thought. _He’s just a child_. He’s just seventeen.

Adam knew that Matt’s sibling was younger than that. He just didn’t like thinking about it. 15. Fuck these aliens. Fuck “Princess Allura.” Fuck “Coran.” They were _children_. Were, because they aren’t anymore. And they can never be again.

(“Do you ever think about the fact that we’re child soldiers?”

Shiro flinched, “all the time, Lance.” _This was Adam’s brother_.

“Did it scare you?”

“It never stopped scaring me.”

“A group of teenagers: the universe’s only hope.”

“I hate it. I kinda hate me and I kinda hate them.” He vaguely gestured to the front of the castle-ship, where Allura and Coran stood, discussing battle plans.

“And yet here we are.”

“Here we are.”

Silence.

“I don’t blame you at all, you know that, Shiro?”

“I blame myself. That’s enough.”)

When they had returned home, hope etched on their faces, Adam threw himself into Takashi’s arms, tears falling as he felt the familiar hold of his (ex-)fiancé. Lance’s face brightened.

(Maybe it was that simple. Just maybe.)

“Hey, Lance,” Adam said, “what happened?”

Lance’s face darkened, “a lot. I… I’m not the same as I was, Adam.”

“It’s been years Lance. You were a teenager at war. I’d be scared if nothing changed,” Adam pointed out.

They were closer than ever before-- Lance and Adam. They needed each other more than ever before. The years of fear, of guilt, of loneliness, they were all catching up on the constant stream of adrenaline, and when Lance breaks, he breaks hard.

(Lance didn’t talk to anyone but Adam and Keith for three months. Adam hated himself for not seeing it coming.

It has happened before.)

Being one of a small group of space-travellers revealed a lot about themselves.

Hunk and Lance, a pair people said would last for centuries, weren’t _truly_ best friends anymore.

“It’s just… We figured out how _different_ we were? I guess? I love them to death, and of course I still care for them, don’t get me wrong, but we just aren’t the same. I’ve come to terms with it.”

Adam gave him a look, so Lance shrugged, “I’m not really upset anymore. I used to be, but I found my place at the table. Eventually.”

“With Keith?” Adam said, smirking.

Lance, surprisingly, didn’t blush, “yeah. With Keith.”

Adam nudged him lightly, “it’s cute, the whole rivals-to-lovers trope.”

“He pretended he didn’t know who I was,” Lance laughed, “I was so insulted.”

“He’d talk about you, back when he lived with us.”

“That makes me happier than it should.”

“I’m so glad I wasn’t a part of raising,” Adam shudders, “a straight boy.”

“Oh my God, Adam, please.”

“Takashi,” Adam asked, causing Shiro to look up from some papers, “do you ever regret?”

Shiro’s face darkened for a moment.

“I do. I always do.”

“Takashi?”

“They were _kids_ , Adam, _teenagers _. I pushed them, made them stronger than they ever should be. I was a part of making them soldiers.”__

____

“Takashi…” Adam sat down beside them, “I hate it, but you didn’t have a choice, did you?”

____

“There is always a choice,” Shiro breathed out, “I could have convinced Allura and Coran to find new Paladins, it didn’t have to be them. Us.”

____

Shiro leaned on Adam’s shoulder, “I talked to Lance about it once. We… he asked me if I was scared of them being child soldiers. He said he didn’t blame me at all. He was so mature. Fuck, how was he so _mature_? After what the clone did… God, he really is the best of us.”

____

“Lance is always way more than people think,” Adam sighs, “I think he does it on purpose.”

____

“Adam,” Shiro said suddenly, “I apologised to all of them. For making them fight. They said they understood, that they would probably do the same. But… I want to apologise to you too. I couldn’t fathom what I would do if Keith had just disappeared without my knowledge.”

____

“Hey, no. Lance forgave you. Your team forgave you. I love you, Takashi, and the minute Lance explained what had happened, there was no way I wouldn’t understand. You are a teacher: you teach, you love. You do only the best for them. As much as I hate that you had to, making them strong made them _survive_ , and I’m just glad that you returned to Earth with my brother and not his casket instead.”

____

Shiro cried.

____

____

“Lance, how are you?” Shiro asked during their fortnightly day-out.

____

“Better,” Lance responded.

____

“That’s good.”

____

“You?”

____

“Much better.”

____

“It’s the Adam-effect.”

____

“You’re right.”

____

____

(“Do you take Adam Velasquez to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

____

“I do.”

____

“Do you take Takashi Shirogane to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

____

“I do.”

____

“You may now- oh, wow, okay, jesus.”)

____

When Adam and Shiro actually got married, it was a small ceremony. The paladins were all there, a few aliens, Shiro’s grandparents and most of the direct Velasquez family members.

____

(They have had enough public events for a lifetime.)

____

Lance and Keith were the best men and Matt was the ring-bearer and flower-boy. (Don’t ask. He may be a genius, but he almost threw the rings with the flowers.)

____

(Lance and Keith were also godfathers to an adopted 8-year-old Yua Shirogane-Velasquez, but that’s a few more years into the future.)

____

____

“Hey, Hunk?” Lance asked one day, “I miss this.”

____

Hunk smiled, “I miss this too.”

____

Lance tilted his head to one side, “do you think we can be _us_ again?”

____

“I think we can be better.”

____

(And that’s on friendship and happy endings, motherfuckers.)

____

____

“Pidge, what the fuck are you doing? It’s three in the morning.”

____

“LANCE, MY BEST BI BOY!”

____

“Are- are they _drunk_?” Keith whispered, “what the hell?”

____

“KEITH? MY BABY DISASTER GAY? IS THAT YOU?”

____

“Jesus _Chirst_.”

____

“I’m older than them. We’re _all_ older than them.”

____

“SHIRO? DID YOU KNOW MATT AND YOU DATED THAT ONE TIME?”

____

“You and Matt _what_?” Adam shrieked.

____

“For like a week, calm down, Adam. It’s what happens when you’re the only two out queer guys. And Pidge, of course I knew?”

____

“Fair, I dated Max W. for like, three days.”

____

“You did _what_?”

____

“ADAM!! DID YOU KNOW SHIRO PINED FOR YOU FOR LITERAL MONTHS BEFORE ASKING YOU OUT? I READ IT IN MATT’S DIARY!”

____

“Oh my _God_ -”

____

“TAKASHI, THAT’S ADORABLE!”

____

“We need to control them.”

____

“Immediately.”

____

“HUNK, MY BEST FRIEND! I LOVE THAT CINNAMON ROLL, BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND!”

____

“They have a _girlfriend_?!”

____

“Oh, Adhira? The two of them are adorable,” Lance said, randomly.

____

There was a silence.

____

“HOW DID YOU KNOW?”

____

“You made out with her in front of me? During Adashi’s wedding?”

____

“Was Adhira their plus-one?”

____

“No, she was Alex’s.”

____

“Damn. Pidge’s got game.”

____

____

“... Lance, will you marry me?”

____

“I literally have a ring in my pocket, Keith, what the hell.”

____

“Is that a yes?”

____

“Absolutely, you dork.”

____

____

“I CALL BEST MAN!”

____

“Obviously,” Lance said, raising his eyebrows.

____

“Oh. I didn’t need to convince you?”

____

“Adam, what the hell?”

____

____

“No. Pidge will be my best person.”

____

“Are you sure you want that? After three weeks ago?”

____

“... Nevermind, thank you for being the best brother, I love you.”

____

“Damn right.”

____

____

So, yeah. It’s a long story, with years of pain, of tears, of fear. And years of laughter, of hope, of change.

____

It’s their story.

____

His story.

____

And he wouldn’t change it for the world.

____

**Author's Note:**

> hey! i hope you all enjoyed this!
> 
> this is my first work on ao3, so please, any criticism is welcome!
> 
> please kudos and comment <33
> 
> edit: some of the grammar was killing me, my bad.


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